4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
