If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Randomize
