you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
