I accidentally burped into my bong.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
