whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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