There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
