I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
