just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
