My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
