the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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