Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Congratulations! We have a period
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
