You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Randomize
