When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
