Will you blow on my dice?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
