dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize