i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
