im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
