how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
