In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
