no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
