I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
