i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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