hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
