I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
