get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
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