I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
