she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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