There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize