3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
