Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
