You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
