I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
