i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
