I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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