For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
