Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
