no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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