I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
