It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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