for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
