i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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