She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
