Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Randomize
