his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
