His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
