my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
