wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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