Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Randomize
