The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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