Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
