Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
