so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
