I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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