k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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