apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
