And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
