The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
