I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize