My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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