But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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