i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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