So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
