You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
