currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
