it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
