so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
