I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
should my penis look like a turkey
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
