the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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