fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
